THE EARLY YEARS

I was 3 years old when I was first diagnosed with Autism…at least that’s the first time my parents were aware of it! Looooooong time ago! Now at this typing, I’m 36, so a bit over a billion seconds ago! Is autism a disability or a different ability?! Both?! It’s a quote widely attributed to Stuart Duncan: “Autism is not a disability, it’s a different ability”! Although he is wrong to say it is not a disability because it is, he is right to say it is a different ability, because it is that too. Autism is a mental (mind) condition in which the brain works differently. It’s also known as a “spectrum,” because it’s different for some! Personally, mine is in the middle degree! As it turns out, when I was 3, they didn’t know very much about autism, it was a really new thing then. Now they know much more about it years later! My mother has mentioned to me about a woman from King Soopers (grocery store in Loveland), who came up to my mother and said, “I hope you don’t get offended, but does your son have autism?!” And my mother said, “Yes!” And then the lady mentioned a place at a hospital that helps with autism therapy! I assume the therapy was for reading and all that! I know it was for talking! My therapy teacher helped me learn how to talk! As it turns out, if we didn’t go through this therapy, there’s a really good possibility that I wouldn’t be able to talk!!! So it’s a good thing we did that, otherwise people, including me, couldn’t hear my beautiful voice!!! Ha ha, I’m also really humble!

I used to have seizures when I was in that age area. We later discovered seizures have a connection with being autistic. My sister would love to take care of me and years later she became a nurse!

Now it’s been years since all that. Since I’ve been through therapy, my life is pretty normal…okay, maybe that is going too far!

WHAT AUTISM IS LIKE FOR ME NOW

One positive thing about autism, for some of us, is there are certain subjects we’re absolutely obsessed with. For me, it’s numbers: named numbers, especially high numbers, especially high named numbers!!! Autism is a means God uses for some of us to be this way, and I am certainly thankful to God for this part! There are numbers so huge that they literally can’t even fit in the (observable) universe! In fact, even the digits of these numbers, if each digit was a Planck volume (the absolute smallest volume) the number couldn’t fit in the (observable) universe! In fact, it would take countless (observable) universes to fit them! Here’s two such numbers, ‘Triple Terrible Tethrathoth’, TREE (3), (My absolute favorite!!!) I recently started writing numbers from 0, now up to 15,408! Another subject that fascinated me when I was younger was planets!

I’m not supposed to spin too much, such as go on rides that spin a lot, because it’s possible it could trigger a seizure again, although I don’t think it’s ever happened, but there is too much possibility there!

At least some people with autism do what’s known as “stimming”! It’s moving certain ways. For me, it’s stretching, not all the time, but sometimes I stretch an extra amount! Maybe partially on purpose, partially automatic??!! And looking all over! As in moving all over to look all over! At least some autistic people get what’s known as “meltdowns”! That’s literally when you freak out! I rarely get them! Did I get them more when I was younger?! Yes, I did. My mother told me about when I was younger, with people around, she learned to tell when it was about to happen, and had me go in my room where it was quiet and look at books. I honestly can’t even remember any of that, but…it must have happened a few times at least when I was younger! Although it’s possible to get a meltdown if you don’t have autism, apparently it’s more common if you have autism!

For people with autism sometimes they cannot handle certain noises. A while ago I got this book off of Amazon called, Being Autistic! This book says, “We might cover our ears or close our eyes to block out any sensory stuff that is annoying us.” I sometimes cover my ears over noises I find hard to hear. There are certain noises (if they’re louder it’s worse, but even if they’re not as loud,) that make me absolutely upset! It does help of course that I sometimes wear ear plugs!! Of course God gives grace as a “fruit of the Spirit being… longsuffering…”—imperfect though of course! (Gal. 5:22-23 and Col. 3:12-14)! Noises such as sniffling and yawning upset me! Although I can understand yawning at least to a certain extent, but sniffling?! That I can’t understand at all!!

Not everything we do has something to do with autism, only some does, for us (including me) who have autism! God gave to each of us different challenges and we all do our best with what God has given us.

LOOKING FORWARD WITH HOPE

Now I want to mention looking forward to heaven! My absolute favorite phrase in all of Scripture is, “And there shall be no more curse…” taken from Revelation 22:3a! I gladly admit I’m absolutely obsessed with that phrase!!! I don’t look at autism (including mine) as a bad thing in the sense of God’s plan for my life, but in and of itself it is a bad thing as part of the curse on the human race, on the creation as a whole in general. For other ‘special needs’ it’s the same way, which is what this Standard Bearer is all about! No matter the condition of God’s children, regenerated as God’s children, we all have a place in the body now (1 Cor. 12:12-31)! And we will have a place in the body in the next life too! What will that be like for us with disabilities and different abilities? I told you earlier that one thing I look at as a blessing with autism is having an intense focus and fascination with certain subjects. That makes me wonder if in the eternal heaven, could God make us keenly fascinated with an intense focus with certain subjects apart from autism?! He sure could, He’s God! I believe we’ll continue to be ourselves in the eternal heaven, and part of that is our interests, fascinations, so…yah! As long as they have nothing to do with sin of themselves, or of autism in and of itself! Such as (for me) having an intense interest in numbers, especially high numbers, for other(s), perhaps music, etc.! I think God will even use that in the next life!

So in the eternal heaven I won’t and can’t have autism and won’t and can’t have sin…forever!!! I’m happy to be rid of autism and especially sin in the next life. I’d gladly be gone with sin in this life if I could, but I can’t! But let me quote someone who has autism named Dr. Temple Grandin, and say that in this life, “If I could snap my fingers and be nonautistic, I would not.” It is what I know, and God’s good plan. How much of who I am is me, and how much is autism? How much has autism brought out parts of me that are me but not autism? I don’t know. But in heaven we are going to find out!

CONCLUSION

Has God used me for the good of the church? Maybe some ways I don’t even realize, but I am thankful for friendships and that people in church understand me and are kind to me! This means a lot to me! Thank you for letting me write!

01/19/2026
12:52:53