Does your congregation include someone who was born with a physical or neurological abnormality? Down Syndrome? Autism? Cerebral palsy? William’s Syndrome? Guillane-Barre Syndrome? Fragile X Syndrome? Or some other condition?

Do you know of a fellow believer who was not born with an abnormality, but who later had a stroke, aneurysm, traumatic fall, or accident, and suffered the effects ever since?

Such people serve the body of Christ, and Christ’s church serves them, even when we do not notice it or understand how. This mutual service is a spiritual reality. God gave also to special needs members “the measure of faith” and “gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us” (Rom. 12:3, 6), and the Spirit gives them also an office (1 Cor. 12).

Although this mutual service happens often without notice, we are called consciously to serve these special needs members and receive their gifts for our service. This article focuses on that calling.

KOINONIA

Koinonia is the New Testament Greek word that expresses the reality of believers serving believers. The word is often translated “fellowship,” but sometimes “communication” (Phile. 6), “contribution” (Rom. 15:26), or “communion” (1 Cor. 10:16). This fellowship is not merely social or verbal interaction, but any outward expression of an inner unity. This outward expression has as its goal service to others in the body.

The inner unity of regenerated believers is one of life and salvation; Christ’s blood was shed for us, and He lives in us. Also, that inner unity indicates that we are part of the same body, serving the same body and Lord.

Because of this unity, the members of the body serve each other. But we must be conscious of our calling to express that unity outwardly. Explaining the communion of saints, the Heidelberg Catechism in A. 55 says, “First, that all and every one who believes, being members of Christ, are in common partakers of Him and of all His riches and gifts; secondly, that everyone must know it to be his duty, readily and cheerfully to employ his gifts for the advantage and salvation of other members.”

So also special needs members of the church have a spiritual gift with which they serve the church, and need other members of the church to serve them. This is true whether they are young or old, and whether their special needs were since birth or resulted from a later trauma.

So how is this koinonia manifest? In what concrete ways do and can the members of the church serve special needs members? And how do special needs members serve the church?

SERVING THE SPECIAL NEEDS MEMBERS

Each special needs person is different. One serves a person with cerebral palsy differently than a person with no legs. Even two people who have the same special need have different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. So what follows are general guidelines. One must get to know each special needs person individually to learn how specifically to serve him or her.

Understand them

Because true fellowship is possible only when two understand each other, we must work to understand our brothers and sisters with special needs.

This means understanding the nature of their special need. What is Guillane Barre Syndrome? William’s Syndrome? Fragile X Syndrome? Ask what it is, or read a book about it, or search the internet. We need not be experts about the special need, but can have a basic understanding of it.

This also means understanding the effects of this special need. Autistic people often stim—rock back and forth, flap their hands in the air, or repeat words. Others require a special diet or a structured routine that includes an early bedtime. And people with communication difficulties or sensory overload have meltdowns. One who does not understand might view these as temper tantrums, but they are not. Meltdowns happen when one’s brain or sensory inputs or emotions are overloaded, and the person needs rest before he or she can respond appropriately.

Lastly, understanding them includes realizing the permanence of their disability. Not until Christ raises their bodies will their disability be gone. It is naïve to think that disabled persons or their caregivers can do something to rid the person of the disability.

Converse with them

We serve special needs people by talking to them regularly. Talking to them shows we care and helps them not feel isolated.

This can be difficult. They might be hard of hearing, or it might be difficult to understand their speech. Some, when we ask how they are, will give a five-minute, rapid-fire presentation about polar bears—rather irrelevant to our daily life. But count it a privilege! With effort and regularity, we can understand them better. And God directed the timing of that speech about polar bears; what we think irrelevant today can, to our surprise, be relevant next week.

Accommodate them

We accommodate special needs people when we make changes to meet their needs. Is the person physically handicapped? Then the church accommodates by ensuring that the building and restrooms are handicapped-accessible. A person in a wheelchair needs to enter a bathroom or stall, be able to maneuver in it, get out of it and in again.

Sometimes efforts to accommodate one person negatively affects another. For instance, some autistic individuals (even some non-autistic ones) experience “sensory overload”—the lights are too bright, or the lights or fans make a high-pitched noise that bothers them, and the sound system is too loud. But changing the lighting and lowering the sound might make it more difficult for those who have poor eyesight or are hard of hearing. Sometimes accommodation involves designating a special room in which the special needs individual can sit during worship. Or the individual might accommodate himself by wearing noise-cancelling and muffling headphones. When the individual makes his or her own accommodation, the congregation must be understanding, not critical.

Include them

If we do not understand and talk to these special needs individuals, we will not know how to include them; and if we will not accommodate them, we give the impression that we are not interested in including them. Only when we work to understand and know them, can we include them.

“Include them” means doing what we can to ensure that they are at worship and other congregational gatherings. It means visiting with the families of special needs members, and with the members themselves.

In one apparent way, the Protestant Reformed community has made huge strides at including special needs individuals. I refer to our special needs programs in our Christian schools, and to teachers who have learned how wisely to accommodate.

Pray for them

We ought always pray for every member of the body of Christ. So pray for special needs members too.

SERVING THE PARENTS OR CAREGIVERS OF SPECIAL NEEDS MEMBERS

What to avoid

Avoid suggesting to the parents that they somehow contributed to the need or made it worse. If this is true, and the parents do not see it, professionals can help them see it. But most members of the church cannot know that such an assertion is true.

Avoid—or be clear why you are doing it—asking “why” questions: why does your child act the way he does? Do you know what went “wrong” so that your child is the way he or she is? Such questions should not be asked out of mere inquisitiveness or as a conversation piece. Those who truly love and care, who have demonstrated that love and care in concrete ways, and have built a relationship with the family, may ask these questions in order better to understand and serve. But such questions should not be a general discussion topic.

Avoid patronizing—saying or doing things that give the appearance of kindness and helpfulness, but actually convey that you think the parent needs your advice or actions in order to carry out their calling.

What to do

Listen to the parents’ grief. Parents grieve when learning that their child will never walk, or sing, or marry, or hold a job. They might feel relief alongside of grief; a mother may have begun to think that something was wrong with her, because others did not see what she saw in her child. A diagnosis validated her motherly instinct that she was right all along. Yet, there is grief. This grief is not self-pity or discontentment. It is grief. Listen to their grief.

Understand the emotional toll that having such a child takes on the family. Being a fulltime caregiver of a special needs child can be exhausting. So understand why only one parent comes to Bible study, or they alternate, or they do not come at all. Understand why they leave church functions early, or why they do not adjust their schedule to accommodate a special event you have planned.

Maybe you can give relief; maybe you can care for the child for four hours while mother sleeps or shops or while the parents get away for supper so they can be alone and talk. To be a relief caregiver is service! Yet, depending on the nature of the special need and the phase of life one is in, the list of relief caregivers might be short, and the relief caregiver needs training and time to learn the task.

But befriend these parents, pray for them, pray with them, visit them, and love them with the love of Christ.

SPECIAL NEEDS MEMBERS SERVING THE CHURCH

Special needs members also serve the covenant community. Some do encouraging things: drawing a picture for somebody or writing a card for your birthday. Others have such child-like faith that their presence alone encourages us to trust in God. (All is going well for me, yet I complain. How can I do that, when before me is a special needs child who is always smiling and exhibiting contentment?)

Some might serve a specific task. One Down Syndrome boy was entrusted with filling the pastor’s water glass before every service.1 In one of our churches, a man with Down Syndrome took his turn ushering. And special needs members have tasks in their own homes; they might be assigned chores in school; they have a place in Bible studies. What little task could be assigned to a special needs individual in your family, church, or school?

So look for ways to include them. Look for ways by which you realize they serve you. And give thanks for them, considering yourself better for knowing them.

Two concluding comments. The first is for any couple who just realized that God has given them a special needs child. You will have challenges; but we all do in some form or another. Challenges lead us to rely on God, so go to Him often. And expect your life to be enriched in a deeper way than it would be otherwise!

The second is for anyone in the funeral line, visiting relatives of a special needs person who died. Do not rejoice with them that a burden is lifted. Their relative was not a burden; he or she was a loved one. Weep with those who weep.

* The ideas presented in this article come from three main sources. One is my own experience as a parent of a child with special needs, as well as pastoring other parents of such children. Because this experience is still very limited, I have read numerous books over the years regarding various special needs and appropriate ways to respond. These are the second source. The third is books I read specifically to prepare to write this article. These include the following:
• Michael S. Beates, Disability and the Gospel: How God Uses Our Brokenness to Display His Grace (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012), especially chapter 9.
• Brian Brock, Disability: Living Into the Diversity of Christ’s Body (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2021), especially chapter 5.
• Barbara J. Newman, Autism and Your Church: Nurturing the Spiritual Growth of People with Autism Spectrum Disorders (Grand Rapids: Friendship Ministries, 2006).
• Larry J. Waters and Roy B. Zuck, eds, Why, O God? Suffering and Disability in the Bible and Church (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011), especially chapters 3, 16, 18, 19.
• Andrew and Rachel Wilson, The Life We Never Expected: Hopeful Reflections on the Challenges of Parenting Children with Special Needs (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016).

1 Stephanie Hubach, Same Lake, Different Boat (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2006), 187. This is an excellent book that all should read. I did not include it in the previous note because it falls in the second, not third, category of sources that I used.