A mark of a healthy church is when members care well for one another in the love of Christ. In such a church the members build genuine, God-honoring relationships to provoke one another unto love and good works (Heb. 10:24) and to comfort one another by the comfort wherewith they have been comforted of God (2 Cor. 1:4). They do this because they love God and love the other members of the church. They want to use their experiences of God’s grace in their lives to encourage and help others in their suffering and sin struggles.

If you are a Christian, you are called to do this as a prophet, priest, and king under Christ. Not only are pastors, elders, and deacons called to help and counsel others, but you all are. All church members are called to be counselors. In Romans 15:14, Paul says to the church in Rome, “And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.” As Christians, you are able to care for others because the Holy Spirit equips you. Let us put away all the reasons that we are not able to help each other. This thinking minimizes the effectual, powerful, supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in us. The Spirit equips “to admonish.” This term is deeper and richer than merely rebuking. “Admonish” includes the covenant friendship idea of coming alongside to help, encourage, and reprove. This is what we are called and equipped to do when a hurting member of the church is providentially placed in our path. So we sit, weep, listen, and encourage in their suffering and/or in their battle against sin.

Paul David Tripp, a prolific author on these matters, wrote, “God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things in the lives of others.”1 Christians do this by bringing God’s Word and truth to bear on their lives. Tripp writes, “God transforms people’s lives as people bring His Word to others.”2 His book is worth reading because he encourages ordinary Christians to care well for each other.

The question is, how can we do this? How do we live out the truth of the covenant in the church by coming alongside one another? Maybe you have the desire to do this, but you are not sure how to develop personally in this or you are not sure how your church can do this. I propose four things the church can do to live this out. These are not exhaustive, but they provide a place to start.

1. MUTUAL FRIENDSHIP

Hopefully we all have people in our lives that we call friends who we can confide in and encourage when we are struggling. The God of love and fellowship provides the great blessing of friendship. It is a wonderful gift. Although Jesus certainly is the Friend and elder Brother to all His people, He also had closer relationships with the inner circle of disciples: Peter, James, and John. In addition, He frequently visited the home of His good friends Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. In the Old Testament, we read of the close friendship between David and Jonathan in which Jonathan came to David and “strengthened his hand in God” by encouraging his good friend David with the words of God’s promise that David would one day be king of Israel (1 Sam. 23:16, 17). I hope you have friends who can encourage you in the Lord in days of adversity (Prov. 17:17). But genuine friendships take work, especially because we are sinners.

Not all friendships are with “best friends.” In the church where you are a member, all the members are friends in the Lord Jesus Christ. I encourage you to get to know your friends in your church family. Take advantage of the time before and after a worship service to touch base with a few people in your church that you do not regularly talk to (if you are not doing this already). Do more than ask them how they are doing. If you know something about their lives (whether good or bad), ask about it. You do not have to get into all the “weeds” with that friend, but ask, “How can I pray for you?” This is a wonderful way to learn about the needs of fellow members. If you can tell this friend is struggling greatly, pray with that person at that moment. Take the opportunity to speak an encouraging word like, “It sounds like you were trying to be Christ-like in your response to this situation.” May our conversations before and after worship be opportunities to learn about the struggles and hardships of fellow church members. This means also that in appropriate ways we learn to share the burdens and struggles of our souls with others so that others can encourage and pray for us. Such conversations may open up opportunities to meet for coffee or have a phone conversation to work through a friend’s struggles in a fuller and deeper way.

Another idea is to make the times of visiting with friends and family more spiritually meaningful by asking questions, listening, and opening up about difficulties in life, and sharing the great things that God has done by His grace in our lives. In this way God is glorified and you will be mutually encouraged.

2. INTENTIONAL MENTORING RELATIONSHIPS

Although you do not find the term “mentoring” in Scripture, the concept certainly is found there. What I mean by mentoring is the Titus 2 model of the “aged,” more experienced men teaching the young men and the “aged,” more experienced women teaching the young women. As we think about this, we might wonder if this intrudes upon the home and the instruction parents are called to provide their children. This does not. Instead, it supplements what parents do as an extension of their instruction. And this is biblical. Consider the command of Deuteronomy 6:7, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children….” To whom is this command addressed? It is addressed to parents. But more than this, it is addressed to the church. Mentoring relationships can and do continue after children are grown and out of the house. These relationships provide encouragement, admonition, prayer, and accountability in life.

May consistories consider creating opportunities where mature believers mentor others, helping them grow spiritually and address issues early on. Increasingly I have heard from young adults that they feel disconnected from the church because they are in between the young who are in catechism and young peoples societies and the older who are married and have families. Having an older, experienced man who takes a young man under his wing to meet with him for breakfast and talk about the issues of life is a way for a man to develop a good friendship in the church. The same is true for a young woman.

Another opportunity for mentoring is marriage. Some of our congregations have initiated marriage mentoring programs for couples who are beginning their marriages. I have heard repeatedly from the mentoring couple and the mentee couple that this was beneficial and helpful. If problems arise in a marriage, then they have someone to go to for help. The same can be true for couples who are parenting. It is good to hear and learn from other experienced parents how to deal with issues of parenting children at different stages of life.

There may be other mentoring opportunities for those who are struggling with infertility or those who struggle with the death of a child. I encourage consistories to create these opportunities for mentoring.

3. GROUP CARE

Another way to provide a church culture of caring for each other is encouraging transparency and accountability in small group settings where people can consider how to apply God’s Word to their lives. In Acts 2:41-47 we read of the church in Jerusalem after the Holy Spirit was poured out in Pentecost. When you read about that church, I think you will say what I do: I want my church to be like this. This church continued steadfast in the apostles’ doctrine and delighted in corporate worship. They prayed together and broke bread from house to house. They fellowshiped in small groups in their homes. In this fellowship they enjoyed discussions about the doctrines they were learning and about what God was doing in their lives. And they prayed with and for each other. If they were doing this in Jerusalem, why not in Grand Rapids, Edmonton, and Loveland?

Having smaller groups is something the consistory can encourage with monthly Sunday night discussion groups or at Bible studies (men, women, combined), at which maybe a larger Bible study breaks into smaller, regular groups. But this can also happen organically in which some couples of the church intentionally meet regularly to discuss spiritual things, share struggles, confess sin, and pray for each other.

4. TRAINED COUNSELORS

The church will be greatly blessed by training lay counselors to bring God’s Word in specific ways to those who suffer and struggle. The pastor and elders can certainly help those who are hurting in the church, but they cannot do it all, especially in larger churches. These lay counselors can work alongside pastor and elders in the church to help with the more difficult sin and suffering struggles. This allows them to collaborate with church leaders and help them address shepherding issues in the church. These trained and experienced counselors can also coach and encourage others who are mentoring or encouraging struggling members in the church. If anyone is interested in this training, please reach out to me. There are organizations that can help with this either in your local area or online.

It easily happens that we have a silo ministry in which only church leaders or trained counselors deal with all the counseling issues. Often these matters come to the church leaders in a stage of crisis. What I have outlined above is preventative care. I believe that if the church is more active in preventative care like this, the church will be stronger and healthier in her walk with the Lord. This move to preventative care aligns with the wisdom of Scripture.

In the church may we all bear one another’s burdens, speak the truth in love, and help each other grow in Christ-likeness. In doing so, we reflect the heart of our Good Shepherd, who cares for His flock with tenderness and truth.

1 Paul David Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand, (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2002), 18.

You can access the Spanish version of this article, translated by Jorge Carbajal, by clicking the following link. CÓMO CUIDARNOS UNOS A OTROS